The Greatest Show Reborn
by Jackie Avocado
Summary: It was an average day for our fuck mothering protagonist, snow was falling, the moon was full, his T.V. was in magnificent shambles. But when a character from one of his video games asks him for help while he's so damned bored that not even an enthusiastic walk can cure it, he does something that would make even Integra pale. Say "Fuck it." and press yes. (HDNxHellsingxDarkness)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The year was 2078.

It was a cold December night in the city of London.

Snow fell down from the heavens gradually.

London, to the rest of the world, was known as The City of Tragedy.

Ever since the war that happened in the city in 1999, the city was never the same.

It was a shadow of it's former self.

A young boy walked through the dark, empty streets.

It was his birthday, December 25th.

He had shoulder length pitch black hair that was slightly spiked on the left side of his head. His skin was moon pale, as if the sun had never touched him before. His eyes were a burning shade of amber. He wore a black zip up hoodie with a simple red shirt underneath it, and a pair of black jeans. Around his neck was a red scarf.

He was 15 years old.

He had a pair of white in-ear headphones in his ears.

The young boy was smiling, humming happily to the tone being played.

The young boy had a smile stitched into his face.

In fact, the boy had a _lot_ of stitches on his body. Underneath his clothes was a chaotic amalgamation of stitches that graced the entirety of his body. It honestly looked as if the young boy was brutally ripped apart and then crudely put back together with a hasty stitch job.

Despite the boy's sunny disposition, if one were to look closely into his eyes, they would see an ungodly amount of irritation.

" **Jack,"** said a mysterious voice inside the young boy's head. " **Why are you so angry right now?"**

" _Alucard, that bastard blew up my 70 inch plasma wide screen T.V.!"_

" **With Netflix?"**

" _With Netflix."_

" **Alright, I'm up."** said another voice in Jack's head, but it was noticeably younger. " **Jack, the hell are you doing?"**

" **Some random, most likely vampiric, jackass had the misfortune of blowing up Jack's T.V."** Alucard replied.

" **They're boned."** the younger voice said simply. " **At least** _ **try**_ **to be merciful this time."**

" **Do as you wish, Jack. The world would be so boring if there weren't idiots like them to amuse me."**

" _I'll think about it, Jason,"_ Jack said to the younger voice.

" **It's all I ask."** Jason said somberly.

Jack walked for the next few minutes in silence until he reached a certain old house.

He reached into his hoodie, pulled out a Christmas card and slid it under the door.

Then Jack grinned, showing fangs instead of normal human teeth.

* * *

This house was home to the dumbass who thought he could get away with taking away a man's T.V.

He was a blond punk in every generic sense of the word.

The blond haired punk had red eyes, showing that he was a vampire. He walked by the front door, only to see something being slid under it.

He walked up to the object to find out it was a Christmas card with a snowflake design.

Curiously he opened it up to read what was inside.

It read:

 _Merry Christmas, you filthy animal._

The punk raised an eyebrow at the message written in the card.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Who the hell is it!?" the punk shouted irritably.

"Oh, you _know_." said a condescending voice from the other side of the door.

"Huh?"

Suddenly bullets were shot through the door, and into the blond haired punk.

He screamed in pain as countless bullets pierced his body, causing blood to gush everywhere.

After three minutes of constant shooting, the barrage of bullets came to an end.

The now blood covered punk feel to the floor.

The door opened, seemingly by itself to reveal the young boy Jack, whose smile was twisted with cruelty.

"A _real_ fucking vampire." said the sadistic young boy.

Jack was about to walk away, but then he heard the punk groan in pain, trying to get up.

The young boy immediately shot him in the head.

"And a happy new year."

Jack turned around and walked away, back to the now abandoned Hellsing Manor.

As soon as Jack left the house the body of the dead punk was set a flame by blue fire.

Rapidly turning to corpse to ashes, blood and all.

The blue flames illuminated the room revealing an abundance of swastikas decorated in it.

The ashes of the corpse moved unnaturally, as if they were trying to form a message.

Once the flames died down the ashes formed a sentence.

 **Millennium is not dead.**

 **-The Doctor**

 **P.S.**

 **You are so getting coal in your stocking, buster.**

 **P.P.S.**

 **Happy Birthday,** _ **Jack**_ **ass, hope you liked the C4 in your T.V. XD**

 **Prologue End**

* * *

 **Tell me what you think of it compared to the original "Greatest Show"**


	2. SOA - Save Our Asses

**Chapter 1: S.O.A. - Save Our Asses**

Jack walked to the Hellsing Manor with a somber air around him, completely contrasting the smile he had on his face.

He was holding two bouquets of flowers in his hands as he walked into the snow coated manor.

The young vampire walked to the graveyard that was to the right of the mansion.

Finally he arrived at the two particular graves he was looking for.

 _Here lies_

 _Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing_

 _1977-2064_

He placed one of the bouquets down on the grave, then looked to the grave next to it.

 _Here lies_

 _Seras Victoria_

 _1980-2073_

Jack placed the other bouquet on the grave.

Despite the smile on his face, great sadness could be seen in his amber eyes.

Watery tears escaped his eyes despite the fact he was a vampire.

Jack _is_ a vampire, but not a _full_ vampire; thanks to the _very_ unorthodox method that Alucard used to convert him.

After all, fusing souls is a very...complicated procedure, hence why Alucard is now a voice in Jack's head.

Hence the tears of water instead of blood, and the fact that he still ages.

" **I still have no idea why I'm still in your head,"** Alucard said. " **I should have faded into your subconscious** _ **years**_ **ago!"**

" **Who knows, Alucard,"** interjected Jason. " **But after such a long time, who cares."**

" **For the last time, I'm** _ **not**_ **conversing with a figment of my host's fragile mind."**

" **You just did."** Jason stated plainly.

Alucard sighed and decided it was better to keep quiet for a while.

Jason was a mystery to both Jack and Alucard.

He suddenly appeared in Jack's head a few days after Jack's conversion into a vampire.

Alucard believed that Jason was a coping mechanism created by Jack's subconscious due to how young he was when a certain traumatic event happened that changed his life forever.

Jason acted like he was supposed to be a hero, some kind of knight in shining armour.

But Jack had his suspicions that Jason was more than _just_ a figment of his imagination.

Either way, Jason reminded Jack of the stories his mother would read him before she died.

Jason acted like a typical shounen protagonist.

I thought he was a naive idot.

Alucard thought the same.

Even Seras and Pip said Jason was an idiot when they heard some of the things he suggested.

Tears feel down Jack's face at an even faster pace as the memories of his mother and Seras rushed through his head.

Bless their souls.

Jack's smile threatened to fall into a frown, but he wouldn't let it happen.

He would _never_ let it happen.

He promised his mother that he would never frown.

Jack _knew_ he owed her that much.

The young vampire gave a respectful bow to the two graves and made his way to the abandoned mansion.

As Jack made his way through the mansion he cast an uninterested glance at he ruined stated of the once magnificent home of the Hellsing family.

Wallpaper and paint were falling and peeling off, the furniture had definitely seen better days.

Water was still running, but the electricity came from generators and was only routed to the basement where Jack stayed.

Jack stopped when he came across a cretin mirror in the halls of the decrepit mansion, he pushed the mirror to the left to reveal a staircase that leads down into the basement.

It was where Alucard used to stay.

" **It's yours now Jack,"** Alucard said reassuringly. " **It's been yours for ten years by now."**

"I know Alucard, I know." Jack said without emotion.

Jack walked down the stairs into the darkness of the basement, as Jack reached the bottom of the stairs he realized just how God damned bored he was.

The fact that his T.V. was blown to smithereens didn't help at all.

Now he couldn't watch Regular Show or Supernatural.

Also didn't help the fact that most of his gaming consoles were trashed in the explosion.

Now he couldn't get his daily fill of Metal Gear!

" **What is it with you and those games?"** Jason asked.

"They're awesome, that's why!"

" **Dude, the protagonist of Rising is a complete psychopath!"**

"I am a psychopath!" Jack shouted proudly.

" **Are you** _ **really**_ **proud of that?"**

"Of course I am, Jason," Jack admitted with a grin. "But I'm going to need Alucard's knowledge of impaling things to help build up my body count."

" **I'd be more than happy to help,"** answered Alucard.

" **Why would you even think of doing that to people!?"** Jason shouted.

"Why the _fuck_ would you think of sparing Seras's killer!?" Jack shouted, his smile dropped ever so slightly. "Did you honestly think someone _that_ twisted could be _reasoned_ with, that they could _change?_ You're a naive _fool_ , and because of the fact that I listened to _you,_ The Doctor got away, and Seras may never be avenged."

That shut Jason up.

Jack took a deep breath to calm himself down.

Now was _not_ the time to get pissed at the Shirou Emiya ripoff in his head.

Jack walked forward into Aluc- _his_ room, to see the damage caused by his T.V. exploding.

A circular scorch mark near the end of the room with pieces of plastic and metal.

Jack sighed as he walked to the red throne in the middle of the room.

He had to admit, no matter how many times he sat in it, it was just so unbelievably comfortable.

Jack smiled with contentment as he sat in his throne.

Looking to his right, he spotted his bookcase, filled with an assortment of fantasy and horror books.

"Thank goodness that survived the explosion." he said in relief.

Jack got up from his throne, walked towards the bookcase, and pulled a seemingly random book from it.

Once pulled to a certain extent, the book made a clicking sound, then the bookcase slid to the right, revealing a small compartment that held a laptop case.

Jack brought the case back with him to his throne and took out the laptop. He immediately booted it up and head straight to the Steam app, ignoring the folder next to it called "School Projects".

" **I'm still surprised Seras never found out about** _ **that**_ **folder, you don't even** _ **go**_ **to school."** Alucard said amusingly. " **Pip taught you well."**

Jack grinned at that.

"Now what to play today?" Jack thought out loud. "BattleBlock Theater? Maybe next time. Dark Souls? I'm not _quite_ in the masochist mood just yet. Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1? Fuck it, I'm in a lighthearted JRPG mood."

Jack opened up Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1, but instead of the regular window popping up, the screen turned black with a multicolored power button symbol.

Blue text appeared under the symbol.

 **I am the True Goddess of Gamindustri. I need your help to save it.**

 **Please, will you help me?**

 **Yes**

 **No**

Jack's eyes widened at the peculiar message.

"This is...new." Jack said with uncertainty.

" **Looks like someone needs our help,"** Jason said with excitement. " **What are you waiting for? Hit yes!"**

Jack's right eye twitched in irritation. He resisted the urge to snap at Jason again.

" **Your move, Jack. This could prove interesting."** Jack could practically hear Alucard stroking his chin in thought.

Jack smirked in his throne at the thought of going to Gamindustri.

After all, Neptunia was one of his favorite series of games.

"The readers would be pissed if I didn't, so you know what?"

Jack's smirk widened into a grin.

"Fuck it."

Jack pressed yes.

His eyes were blinded as his world turned white.

 **Chapter 1 End**

 _Hey guys as you can most likely see I'm having a lot of fun with the re-make here. A few things to note, unlike the original "Greatest Show," this is going to focus a lot more on the humor and Jack being a psycho in hilarious ways. And before you ask, yes, this is going to be a harem story, it wouldn't be an HDN OC story without one._

 _Anyways tell me of what you think of this chapter in the reviews guys, til next time!_


	3. Welcome to Gamindustri

**Chapter 2: Welcome to Gamindustri. Prepare Your Anus!**

Darkness was all Jack could see, it was a typical sight for him whenever he was unconscious.

It was certainly better than the nightmares he would have about Seras and his mother.

He just sort of "floated" there, not really giving a single fuck.

"Are we done with this yet?" Jack asked, bored out of his mind.

Suddenly purple, red, and black mist engulfed his body.

A pair of burning sickly yellow eyes appeared in front of him.

The sound of sound of bones breaking and flesh tearing echoed as a demonic smiling mouth filled with razor sharp blood stained teeth materialized under the eyes.

He was alerted to a hissing sound underneath him.

Jack watched as demonic snake like creatures wrapped around his arms and legs, keeping him from moving.

"I've seen _more_ than my fair share of hentai. Certainly enough to know where this is going."

The _thing_ in front of Jack emitted a force that could only be described as _pure evil_.

It opened up its maw and spoke in a voice so sadistic and cruel that even the term demonic wouldn't be able to describe it.

" **YOu hAve NO IdeA WhEre THis iS GoIng."** Its smile got wider. " **WH** _ **HHHY**_ **doN't wE fII** _ **IIII**_ **nD out togEth** _ **EEEEE**_ **r."**

Suddenly, the giant maw opened impossibly wide.

Jack smiled nervously as the being before him lunged forth.

The young vampire's vision was once more consumed by darkness.

* * *

Jack's eyes fluttered open as he felt the wind pelt my face and the feeling of falling.

Wait!

Falling!?

" **It's about time you woke up!"** Jason said. " **You had me worried, you were out for a while."**

"What in the fuck just happened?" Jack asked.

" **You pressed yes."** Alucard said plainly.

"Oh, well shit." Jack said.

Jack looked down to mass of land below him about a mile and a half long.

" **Is that a floating island!?"** Jason shouted, pissing off both Alucard and Jack.

" **No shit, also** _ **stop**_ **overreacting to everything remotely odd that happens."** Alucard scolded.

" **It's a** _ **floating island**_ **! Why aren't you surprised"**

" **Because I'm a 650 year old nosferatu who doesn't give a** _ **fuck**_ **."** Alucard Explained. " **That and we** _ **just**_ **got asked** _ **by a videogame**_ **character to help them."**

"Also said videogame character hasn't even gotten a single second of screen time, so even I don't know what to expect." Jack pointed out.

It was at this point that Jack noticed streaks of light, miniature explosions, and shockwaves happening on the floating landmass.

His mouth stretched into a nervous smile when he realized just _where_ he was falling.

" **Jack, what's wrong?"** Jason asked worried. " **You seem nervous."**

"We're falling towards Celestia, where the CPUs are currently fighting."

Both Jason and Alucard had to process this information, just to make sure they knew how fucked all three of them were in this situation.

" **What are CPUs?"** Jason asked, immediately causing both Alucard and Jack to facepalm.

" **Did you** _ **not**_ **watch when Jack was playing the Hyperdimension games?"** Alucard asked, his voice laced with much irritation.

" **It was embarrassing!"** Jason argued.

"How!?" Jack yelled.

" **It's because of all the fanservice!"** Jason shouted.

Both Jack and Alucard were silent for a few seconds trying to process what Jason had just said.

"So, you're telling me, that you missed out on a hilarious tale of references and memes, because you were embarrassed of the fanservice!?"

" **U-Um...yes?"** Jason replied unsurely.

"Alucard, we've found a witch, may we burn his bitch ass?" Jack asked.

" **Already a step ahead of you, I'm getting the cross ready."** Alucard said.

" **The hell guys!"** Jason shouted.

Jack and Alucard snickered at his panic until Alucard noticed something.

" **Jack, you may want to look down."** Alucard said.

The young vampire did as Alucard said, he noticed that the ground was _significantly_ closer.

"Well shit." Jack deadpanned. "Now, how should I introduce myself."

" **I don't know, crash into the ground singing "What's Up" by 4 Non Blonds?"** Jason said dismissively.

"D-Did he just come up with a _good_ idea?" Jack asked in awe.

" **Holy shit he did."** said the No Life King.

"IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!" Jack shouted to high heaven.

" **Wait, I was kidding!"** Jason exclaimed.

"Fuck it, doing it anyway. We start singing on the count of One." Jack ordered.

" **Fine."** Jason sighed.

" **Might as well."** Alucard said with amusement.

"Three. Two. One!" Jack yelled with excitement.

" **And I said. HEEEEEYYYYEEEEEYYYEEEEEEYEEYE! HEEEEEYYYYEEEEEYYYEEEEE!"** the three of them sung.

Jack finally crash landed into Celestia with a huge grin on his face.

Chunks of earth were flung about as Jack unceremoniously crashed into the ground.

* * *

 **Give or take a minute or two earlier.**

It was sunset and on the top of a floating island called Celestia, four women were engaged in mortal combat.

One had purple hair worn in braided twintails, her eyes were bright blue with power symbols in them, she wore a black and purple skin tight bodysuit, with gauntlets, black leggings and armored boots. In her hands was black and purple a futuristic katana.

This was Purple Heart, CPU of Planeptune.

The second one had long pure white hair slightly wavy hair and lime green eyes with power symbols in them, she wore a black a silver skin tight bodysuit, with gauntlets, black leggings and armored boots. In her hands was a large futuristic black and blue sword.

This was Black Heart, CPU of Lastation.

The third one had short sky blue blue hair, barring her bangs, which reach down to her stomach. Her eyes were crimson red with power symbols in them, she wore a white and grey bodysuit, with gauntlets, white leggings and armored boots. In her hands was a large futuristic white and blue axe.

This was White Heart, CPU of Lowee.

The final woman had long seafoam green hair tied into a ponytail. Her eyes were purple with power symbols in them, she wore a white and green bodysuit with the middle opened up, exposing the underside of her breast and her stomach. She wore gauntlets and white leggings, with armored boots, in her hands was a black and green futuristic lance.

This is Green Heart, CPU of Leanbox.

All of them were tired and weary of the battle they were waging.

Purple Heart herself was breathing heavily, her face laced with exhaustion.

"You're all so stubborn. Why don't all give up already?" Black Heart complained.

"Nonsense! We've been fighting for hundreds of years. Why quit now?" Purple Heart replied.

"That's my line! I won't let any of you take the title of True Goddess!" White Heart declared.

Green Heart sighed. "How much longer do we have to put up with this pointless fighting?" Green Heart said somberly.

White Heart was about to shout angrily at Green Heart when all four CPUs noticed something in the sky.

One: There was a giant multi colored portal in the sky.

And Two: There was an object heading towards them at high speeds.

But what stumped them all was the singing.

"And I said: HEEEEEYYYYEEEEEYYYEEEEEEYEEYE! HEEEEEYYYYEEEEEYYYEEEEE!"

"This is hysterical!" Black Heart said, trying her hardest not to start laughing uncontrollably.

"That is rather funny." Green Heart said with with her hand in front of her mouth, one could hear her giggles if they were close enough.

"W-What the fuck!?" White Heart said through her constant laughing.

Purple Heart herself was struggling to keep a straight face, and not bust out laughing.

Next thing they knew, the object had crashed into the ground in front of them cratering the ground and kicking up a cloud of dust, obscuring their vision and view of whatever fell into the ground.

Purple Heart, after regaining her composer, slashed at the cloud of dust, quickly dispersing it.

They saw something from inside the crater move, well it was more like _someone_.

The person climbed to the top of the crater they made in their fall.

The CPUs were finally able to make out the person's features when he reached the top.

His shoulder length pitch black hair flowed with the wind, his black hoodie and red shirt were both ripped showing most of his chest and stomach along with the amalgamation of stitches that reached up to his face, giving him a twisted glasgow smile. His piercing blood red eyes were filled with amusement and excitement.

If the CPUs would agree on anything, it would be that the boy in front of them looked like the perfect mix between handsome and adorable, in a morbid kind of way thanks to all of the stitches.

The beautiful sunset behind him, along with the warm heartfelt smile on his face, made all of the CPUs blush slightly.

He threw his arms in the air like just didn't care.

"I said hey, WHAT'S GOING ON!?" he sung with a huge beaming grin.

It was time for Jack to give Gamindustri a _proper_ Hellsing greeting.

 **Chapter 2 End**

 **Thedarr24 and Draconis23: Thanks!**

 **The renegade soldier: The original "Greatest Show" took place in the modern day, it's 2078 to make sense within the world of Hellsing.**

 **Bonestar: Thanks bruh! It goes without question also you've got to remember, The Darkness is also in this, so we've got the Brotherhood on our hands as well.**

 **Blake Tourdner: Yes buddy, Jack did in fact break the fourth wall. He's like Neptune and Deadpool.**

 **RedBurningDragon: Good to see you again old buddy, old pall. Yeah, since Jack's birthday is Christmas, I decided to make a reference to my favorite Christmas movie.**


	4. Smiles?

**Chapter 3: Smiles?**

Jack's "introduction" was meet with complete and utter silence.

That was, until the CPUs just couldn't keep a straight face anymore and fell down to the ground in uncontrollable laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh shit I can't breathe! HAHAHAHA!" White Heart laughed, pounding the ground with her fist, having _some_ respiratory difficulties.

The other CPUs weren't faring well themselves, as they too were rolling on the ground with untamable laughter.

Jack himself started laughing along with them.

That was, until he started coughing up blood, which caught the attention of the CPUs.

"Oh yeah, that's internal bleeding alright." Jack said, as blood leaked from his mouth.

Jack limped his way towards the nearest place he could rest his currently battered and broken body, which just so happens to be a tree not too far away from him, which he then proceeded to sit down and lean on it for support.

"Yep, that was one _long_ fall." he reflected. "I didn't even _expect_ to survive that fall. Hahahaha-" Jack coughed up some more blood. "Oh God it hurts to laugh."

He noticed that Purple Heart had rushed to his side by the tree, trying to see if there was anything she could do to help.

"Sir, are you okay?" The goddess of Planeptune said with concern. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Jack just smiled at her, a more than a bit lost in her eyes.

" **My God, she's the** _ **most**_ **beautiful woman I've ever seen!"** Jason said, flustered.

" **Agreed, and the rest of them are** _ **just**_ **as gorgeous."** said Alucard in a slightly perverse tone. " **But in all seriousness the games did** _ **not**_ **do them CPUs justice."**

While Alucard's pervertedness may turn away more than few women, Jack almost _always_ follows his advice.

After all, one does not simply go banging the Queen of England without any class.

" _Today I've discovered the_ _ **one**_ _thing you two can agree on, and that thing is boobs."_ Jack thought blandly.

" **Why did you have to word it like that?"** Jason said in a crestfallen tone.

" _It was funny that's why."_

"Um, sir?" Purple Heart said, snapping the teen out of his internal conversation, she noticed that his eye color had changed from red to amber.

"U-Um, yeah?" Jack stuttered.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No don't worry, I'll be fine." Jack said dismissively.

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure a leg doesn't bend that wa-." The Goddess said concerned.

"Hey! Laugh times is over!" White Heart shouted. "We still have a war to fight you know! The kid can wait!"

Purple Heart glanced behind her, noticing that White Heart had gotten over her laughing fit and was ready to fight once again, though Green Heart and Black Heart sent concerned looks towards Jack's broken form.

"White Heart, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this _can't_ wait!" Purple Heart snapped, slightly losing her composure. "We've been fighting for hundreds of years, I'm _sure_ we can afford a break."

White Heart sighed and looked towards Jack. "You better be grateful kid, now what the hell is wrong with you."

"You know, broken rib, multiple fractured spine vertebrae, broken rib, broken arm, fractured skull, broken leg, brain trauma, internal hemorrhaging, broken rib, broken rib." Jack listed off "Did I mention broken rib? You know, I could go for some ribs."

The CPUs had their jaws dropped.

"How are you still alive!?" Black Heart shouted.

"I'm _very_ resilient." Jack said with a smile.

"On that note, why are you not in agonizing pain?" asked Green Heart.

"The fall threw my nervous system out of whack, can't quite feel the pain. Oh! There it is. Owwww..." Jack said, _still_ smiling.

"You seem oddly happy about that." Purple Heart said, more than a bit disturbed.

"Ah, I apologize for my misleading facial expression. You see, this here is a permanent smile, I'd express agony but then my face would bleed." Jack cheerfully explained.

"Why the _hell_ would anyone give themselves a permanent smile!?" White Heart shouted.

"Smiles from sales figures buy approximately twenty percent! At least that's what my father used to say." Jack's smile seemed oddly sinister as he continued to speak. "You see, my father was a salesman - and a fiend,"

None of the CPUs weren't liking where this was going, the increasingly crazed look in Jack's eyes not helping this at all.

"and one day he went off a little crazier than usual, he said: Why so serious? You can't be a Happy Mask salesman with a frown. Let's put a _smile_ on that face."

The four Goddess were getting increasingly pale with each word out of Jack's mouth.

"So he grabbed a knife," Jack said with a cretin edge in his voice.

"Um..." the four CPUs said in unison, their faces growing increasingly horrified.

"and he walked towards me,"

"Uhhhhh..." the Goddess looked as if they were about to jump right out of their skins.

"And then fished out the keys he dropped down the sink,"

"What..." the CPUs said, losing all sense of horror in their minds.

"and then he took me to the local acting academy to work on my sales pitch,"

White Heart sighed in relief. "Oh, that's not nearly as bad as I-"

"but then I failed the lessons and he dipped my face in a chemical bath." Jack interrupted.

It was at this point that Black Heart fainted, drawing everyone's attention.

"W-Wuss," White Heart said, trying to build up some false bravado. "I-I'm not horrified at all."

"So long story short, my face has contorted into a permanent smile. It hurts like hell, but at least it's good for business, right? Hahahaha - ow it hurts to laugh."

The Goddesses just stood there in shock, that story was fucked up and all of them knew it.

"I'm just fucking with you." Jack said with a smirk. "My mother made me promise her that I would never frown."

All of the CPUs let out a collective sigh of relief, Black Heart also chose this specific time to wake up.

"Aw, that's sweet. Now what the fuck was that other story about!" White Heart shouted.

"I like messing with people, it's fun." Jack turned his head towards the sky, looking at the multicolored portal that was rapidly closing. "I'm sure some of you like to mess with people at times."

"Well...he's not _wrong_." Green Heart said with a mischievous smile.

"Can it, Thunder Tits." White Heart deadpanned.

"Back to the matter at hand, I could _really_ use some help here." Jack said in a pained voice.

"O-Oh, um, what do you need us to do?" asked Purple Heart.

"I need one of you to take out the flask I have in the right pocket of my hoodie. If I drink the contents, it'll heal me right up." Jack instructed.

White Heart reached into Jack's pocket and pulled out what appeared to be, a stainless steel alcohol flask.

She looked at Jack blankly.

"Really kid, now is _not_ the time to get drunk!" The Goddess of Lowee scolded.

"For the love of fuck, there's no alcohol in it. I just need to drink the medicine and I'll be fine." Jack said.

"Whatever."

White Heart twisted off the cap, she noticed that whatever was inside of the flask gave off a coppery smell.

She didn't question it much as she put the nozzle of the flask in Jack's mouth and tilted it up.

The young vampire greedily drank the flask's contents as if he were a man dying of thirst.

"Ah, that's better." Jack said, as he grabbed the flask.

Muffled cracks and pops could be heard emanating from Jack himself.

"What the fuck is going on!?" White Heart exclaimed.

" _That_ my dear lady, would be my bones and organs putting themselves back together." Jack stated as if it were the weather.

"What in the world was in that flask!?" shouted Black Heart.

Jack didn't respond, instead, he got up and faced the tree he was leaning on.

He then kicked the tree, slicing it in two with his vampiric strength.

"Timber." Jack said with a smirk.

" **Show off,"** Jason mumbled.

Jack sat down on the fallen half of the tree and turned the flask upside down, a few drops of red liquid fell from it.

"The usual my fair lady, human blood." Jack said simply.

The CPUs looked at Jack, appalled.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" White Heart shouted.

"Why would you do such a thing!?" Black Heart shouted.

"I fail to see how this is wrong." he retorted.

"How could you do something so cruel to another person!" Green Heart shriked.

"Well, I _am_ a vampire after all." Jack revealed.

Almost immediately White Hearts axe was pressing on Jack's neck, coming close to drawing blood.

Shadows covered her face, and her eye glowed red with rage.

The other CPUs had their weapons pointed dangerously close to Jack, ready to attack at a moment's notice.

"Okay, there are only _two_ reasons you should be trying to kill me." Jack deadpanned. "One: I offended you deeply in an emotional way, or two: I'm sparkling. And since I'm not currently putting a bullet through my head, I can safely say I'm not sparkling."

White Heart pushed the blade of the axe deeper onto surface of Jack's neck, drawing blood.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't lop your fucking head off right now." The goddess of Lowee said through gritted teeth.

Jack's grin went from amused to condescending, it only served to pissoff the goddesses more.

"The blood in the flask belonged to a murder who killed three innocent families." Jack revealed.

"W-WHAT!?" the goddesses shrieked.

"You're lying!" White Heart concluded.

Jack continued to smile.

"Caught the bastard red-handed in the act too," Jack said as the blood dripping from his neck stained his clothes. "He kept whining about mercy, how he would change his wicked ways."

The CPUs kept the eyes on Jack, making sure he wouldn't pull anything, but his words were what had their focus the most.

"I didn't believe a word he said, so I did the same thing I do to all sick fucks I come across," Jack looked White Heart in the eyes. "I drank his blood and looked through his memories After all, your mouth can lie, your blood can't, and I _despise_ lies. But you wouldn't believe the shit this fucker did."

Jack's grin seemed angry to the CPUs.

"First family: killed the husband, killed the kid, rapped the wife, and killed the wife."

The Goddesses were shocked at the short but highly disturbing description of events.

"Second family: killed the husband, raped the wife and her daughter before killing them."

The Goddesses faces contorted into disgust and contempt.

"And finally the third family, it consisted of a widowed mother and her high school daughter, and with the turn of events that happened with the last two families I'm sure you can put the pieces together."

"Y-You're lying!" Black Heart concluded, but Jack knew she wasn't feeling too sure about that.

Purple Heart and Green Heart didn't know _what_ to think, after all this was Gamindustri, nothing so _disgustingly cruel_ would ever happen, right?

White Heart herself was shaking in barely restrained rage.

"Bullshit..." she said coldly through gritted teeth. "Bullshit...Bullshit! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!"

Jack smile grew curler.

"Bullshit now, I'll you know, I. _Never_. Lie." Jack stated.

"That's impossible, something like that could never happen in Gamindustri!" Purple Heart yelled.

Jack turned his head to the goddess of Planeptune.

"I just fell out of a giant multi colored portal from the sky, when did I _ever_ say this happened in Gamindustri?" Jack asked rhetorically.

"You're not from this world..." she said, shocked at the revelation.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Someone get captain obvious a cookie!" Jack shouted mockingly while clapping.

"But that just means that we can't trust anything you say." Green Heart said.

Jack's grin grew even wider than before, he bit his index finger drawing blood. Using a neat little trick that Alucard taught him, he poked White Heart in the forehead with his bleeding finger, forcing his blood to enter her bloodstream.

Though his powers as a nosferatu are extremely limited compared to Alucard and Seras, he at least had _some_ benefits, even if incomplete.

For example: sharing memories with someone else using his own blood.

White Heart's expression turned completely emotionless, she stopped breathing for a few seconds, her eyes were dull and unfocused.

Jack showed her _everything_ the killer did, not one second was missed in the viewing of the killer's memories.

White Heart saw how he killed woman and children without remorse.

How when his rape victims thought their suffering was finally over they were greeted with the sight of a gun barrel in their face.

She saw every moment up until the bastard encountered Jack.

White Heart removed her axe from Jack's neck and took a good long at at his eyes.

"Did you make him suffer?" White Heart asked quietly in cold, but controlled fury.

Jack didn't say anything, instead, he grinned ear to ear, his teeth turned into fangs and his amber eyes turned blood red.

He chuckled darkly.

It was all White Heart need to know that Jack did something _awful_ to that fucker.

White Heart turned around and faced the other CPUs.

"He's telling the truth." White Heart said, shocking the other CPUs.

"WHAT!?" the other goddesses shouted.

White Heart sighed. "Kid, just do to that memory transfer thingy with them too."

Jack sighed as he bit his finger again, and before any of the CPUs could react, Jack had already applied his blood to their foreheads.

The memories flowed into their minds, they were still for a few seconds until they suddenly backed away, their heads were hung down, unwilling to meet Jack's eyes.

"W-We're sorry." they all said.

Jack sighed, not really liking the sad atmosphere.

"Alright, alright, enough with the pity party, you're forgiven." the incomplete nosferatu reassured.

Their faces brightened up at his words.

"Now, let's _finally_ start introductions!" Jack exclaimed excitedly, he took a polite bow. "I am Jack Gehrman, may I have your names."

The CPUs smiled at his politeness, Purple Heart was the first to step up and introduce herself.

"I am CPU Purple Heart, Goddess of Planeptune," the purple haired goddess said coolly.

"I am CPU Black Heart, Goddess of Lastation," the white haired goddess announced confidently.

"I am CPU Green Heart, Goddess of Leanbox," the green haired goddess said with pride.

"I am CPU White Heart, Goddess of Lowee!" the blue haired goddess exclaimed proudly.

" **CPUs? Goddesses? What's with the cringe worthy console puns?"** Jason asked.

"You're _a cringe worthy console pun!"_ Jack scoffed indignantly.

" **...Jack, I hope you realize, this means** _ **war**_ **."** Jason declared seriously. " **But in all seriousness, what's going on right now."**

" _Just listen to them."_ Jack instructed.

"CPUs?" Jack said while tilting his head in false confusion. "Do you mean Central Processing Unit?"

The CPUs sweat dropped at the mix up.

"N-No, we mean Console Patron Unit, we oversee certain land masses in our world Gamindustri." Green Heart informed.

" **Oh, I get it now."** Jason said.

"Okay, but _why_ did I spot the four of you fighting when I was falling?" Jack inquired.

Suddenly the all four CPUs widen their eyes and pull their weapons out at each other, ready to decimate one another.

Jack's smile grew nervous as the CPUs were about to rip each others throats out, he had to defuse the situation and fast. "Whoa, hold your trigger fingers ladies, can I at least get _some_ context as to why you're trying to kill each other?"

"We've been at war with each other for hundreds of years." Purple Heart informed while brandishing her katana.

"It's known to everyone as the Console War." Black Heart state, her grip on her sword tightened.

"And none of us will stop until," Green Heart said, her spear posed dangerously.

"One of us is the True Goddess of Gamindustri!" White Heart finished, ready to start swinging her axe.

All of the CPUs charged at each other, their weapons raised high, another clash between the goddesses was imminent.

Jack _really_ didn't want to see the characters he's grown attached to through the games rip each other limb from limb.

Jack, Jason, and Alucard knew, something desperate had to be done in order to put an end to the fighting.

Or, in Jack's case do something that would make Youtube, Tumblr, 4chan, and the entirety of the internet shit their pants.

Give his opinion.

"Well that's fucking stupid." he deadpanned.

The CPUs stopped dead in their tracks when Jack said those words.

Their weapons were less than an inch away from each other.

Slowly, they turned around to face the young vampire.

"WHAT!?" they all yelled in outrage.

To Jack's credit, he just sat on his tree and kept grinning in the face of the fourway feminine fury.

"Yeah, it's borderline retarded when you stop and think about it." Jack said.

Black Heart sword glowed blue with divine power, she raised it above her head, pointing skyward and slashed it down.

An arc of blue energy sailed past Jack, slightly cutting his black hoodie and leaving a large trench in the ground.

Black Heart stood there, her hair shadowed her eyes, her arms shaking, a scowl adorned her beautiful face.

Jack's eyes narrowed at her slightly.

"Got it out of your system?" he asked condescendingly, his smile shrunk slightly, it was time to get serious.

"H-How could you say something so horrible about a war that means the world to me." the goddess of Lastation said, she was ready to go ham on the one who spat in the face of her goal of becoming the True Goddess.

Jack paused for a second, should he _really_ start be tearing into his favorite characters from his favorite video game series?

No, these weren't the characters that helped kept him smiling.

They were haven't gone through any significant character development.

There weren't any smiles to be had here.

These, at best, were a bunch of immature school girls fighting each other over who gets to be queen of the castle on a recess that lasted a few hundred years too long.

Maybe one day they _could_ be the characters he grew so attached to, but Jack knew that wasn't his choice to make.

But right now, what they _needed_ was a reality check.

"What are you the goddesses of?" Jack asked - no, demanded.

"Huh?" the CPUs said confused.

"What. Are. You. The. Goddesses. Of?" Jack demanded again.

His voice held a certain edge to it that made sure the CPUs know one very important thing.

Jack was _not_ playing around anymore.

"We're the goddesses of our nation." Purple Heart said confidently.

"Good, good, you remember your duty." Jack praised. "Now tell me, why is this "war" being waged."

"We all want the title of True Goddess." Green Heart said, she wasn't really getting the point of what Jack was trying to tell them.

"And there lies the problem." Jack said.

"I don't get where you're going with this." Black Heart said, her eyebrow raised.

Jack sighed and facepalmed.

"Your duty is to your nation, but most of all your _people_. Correct."

"Yeah." they said in unison.

"Then why in the _fucking hell_ are you up here fighting for God knows how long over a _fucking_ title, when you should be taking care of your people!" Jack snapped.

The goddesses were taken back by the sudden fury in his voice, it was unnatural to see someone just snap like that.

Despite his display of righteous fury, the disturbing part was that Jack was _still_ smiling.

But then Jack's words finally sunk in.

They went at each other for hundreds of years without even _thinking_ of the people they were responsible for.

They didn't even have any idea how many generations had passed since they left to fight each other.

They couldn't imagine how many people that may have wanted an audience with them and they were too busy fighting.

Needless to say, they felt like shit.

"The fact that you call _this_ a _war_ is insulting honestly." Jack said emotionlessly, still smiling. "Believe me I've been through _real_ war."

Jack got up and started pacing around.

"I've been through alot in my life, far more than any man, woman, or child should ever go through, gone through so many unbearable hardships, and even got turned into a vampire when I was five."

Jack stopped and looked directly at the CPUs, he knew that they would never understand true war, but it felt good to talk about it sometimes.

"Let me tell you about _real_ war, it happened when I was ten, blood and corpses as far as the eye can see. Fire burning and consuming everything in its path. Soldiers fighting for reasons they don't understand, causes they don't believe in."

Jack was really getting into his speech.

"Again I've been through many horrible things in my life, but then I saw the person who I considered my older sister dead before me,"

Jack started chuckling.

The CPUs noticed tears were forming in the edge of his eyes.

"It was that point that it _finally_ clicked in my head, and _when_ it clicked it was just so _fucking_ _funny_! Life was the most horrible, cruel, sadistic joke. And _I_ was the punchline! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jack began laughing hysterically, in a strange mix of laughing and sobbing.

Tears streamed down his face as memories of the event flooded back to the front of his mind.

The CPUs were shocked at the sight before them, they had never meet someone so…

Broken.

Green Heart was the first to act.

She floated towards him and hugged him, placing his head between her ample bosom as he laughed and sobbed.

"H-Huh? When did it get so dark?" Jack sobbed out confused.

"Shhh, it's okay now, you're not alone anymore." Green whispered softly as she ran a hand through Jack's hair.

The other CPUs join the hug too.

"It's alright we're here for you." Purple Heart said softly.

After a few minutes Jack's sobbing and laughing died down.

"Okay, I think I'm good now." Jack said shakily.

"You sure you're alright?" White Heart asked worriedly.

"Yeah I'm fine, thank you." Jack said while giving them a bright warm smile.

The CPUs smiled and blushed slightly at the vampire's uplifted mood.

"Thanks again, I needed th-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Purple Heart let out a wail of agony as she was consumed by a bright light.

The light died down moments later revealing a girl wearing a white and purple hoodie like dress.

It was Neptune.

Neptune collapsed revealing the person behind her.

She was a purple skinned woman in a revealing witch costume.

" _Oh fuck, it's Arfoire."_ Jack thought. " _Wait a minute."_

Jack's eyes widened as he realized what just happened.

" _Neptune just lost her powers as a CPU!"_

Just as Jack finished that thought Arfoire reared her leg back and kicked Neptune in the head so hard she was sent flying off of Celestia.

Jack didn't hesitate as he like a bat out of hell in an attempt to save Neptune.

He jumped off of the floating land mass and caught up with the out cold girl, he switched their positions while they were falling so that he would be taking the brunt of the impact.

"Well, I hope Compa is looking forward to a mess." Jack said to himself before he blacked out.

 **Chapter End.**

 **Hey guys, tell me what you think of Jack's meeting with the CPUs this time compared to the original meeting in Unearthed.**


	5. Calm Before The Storm

**Chapter 4: Calm Before The Storm**

Jack's eyes snapped open as he was meet with the familiar scene of pure darkness. He was sitting in the same familiar throne he always sat in when ever he was in the Hellsing mansion.

"Alucard? Jason?" Jack called out into the never-ending darkness, getting no response. He smirked as he rested his cheek against his knuckles. "Must be dreaming again."

"So, are you going to keep me waiting, or are we going to talk, I don't got all day you know!" Jack yelled out into the dark void.

" **JJJJJ** _ **AAAAAAAA**_ **CCCCK."** came a demonic voice from the abyss.

"Could you please, for once in your life, say my name in a voice that doesn't sound like a dying cat being nailed to a chalkboard." Jack retorted.

A familiar pair of glowing yellow eyes appeared in front of him.

" **Well, It's N** _ **OOOO**_ **ooT your best insult, but I** _ **LIIIIIIIIKE**_ **it."** The voice chuckled maliciously. " **I L** _ **OOOOVVVE**_ **the imagery. Brings a** _ **SmmmIILE to**_ **MY faCE."**

"Sweet mother Teresa on the hood of a Mercedes Benz, you sound like a majestic _FUCKING_ eagle! Can you sing too!?"

" **I caN Alwa** _ **AAAAAAYs**_ **Try."** said the voice.

"It will be a cold day in Hell before I let you sing in _that_ voice." Jack said. "So, it's been almost a year since we spoke together, why did you show up now of all times?"

" **Who, K** _ **NNNNNN**_ **ows, mister dimension traveler. The RUles don't APP** _ **PPPPLLLLLLY**_ **in this WOrLd."**

"Rules?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

" **RUUUUU** _ **LLLLESSSS**_ **oFFF** _ **NaTTTTTTURE!**_ "

"Oh dear God no! What have you done!? You've soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it!"

" **WElL SOMeoNE HAS tO RUIN yOuR fUN JACKI** _ **EEEEEEE**_ **!"**

"Don't you ever call me that again…" Jack said, frustratedly, but the smile on his face never dropped. "Not in _that_ voice."

" **FFF** _ **IIIIIIIINNNNNeeee…never let me have my fun.**_ " the demonic voice mumbled. "Is _this_ better?"

The voice changed considerably. Instead of sounding like a demon gargling cockroaches while being waterboarded in acid, it was now feminine, deep and seductive.

"Marginally. So what do you want?"

"Things beyond your control are coming Jack, things that are going to change the way you look at the world." Sadistic glee could be heard in the being's voice. "You've been going dark path for a _very_ long time Jack, but tonight, things are going to get a lot darker."

The being's jagged fanged filled mouthed materialized from the darkness.

"It will b **e a NiGht tO RemeMb** _ **EEERRRRRR**_ **!"**

Jack' smile strained as the evil being opened up it's hideous maw and lunged at his unmoving body. It's jaw slammed shut with a deafening metallic sounding bang, forcing Jack out of his subconscious.

" **He...hehehehe...hehehahaHahaha...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA** _ **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_ **!"**

 **Linebreak**

Jack groaned as opened his eyes, his entire body felt like it went all of the rounds with Muhammad Ali.

The incomplete nosferatu noticed something was very, _very_ wrong.

The whole room was _pink_.

" **So close to red, yet so very far..."** Alucard said within Jack's head.

" **OH GOD, MY EYES! IT BURNS!"** Jason wailed like a little bitch.

Jack grinned a bit at Jason's suffering. His head turned to the side.

"That is one _huge_ syringe." Jack said to himself. "I think I'm developing a phobia of shots now."

Jack notice a peculiar weight on his chest.

Looking down, Jack saw the reason he was knocked out in the first place.

He found a girl with shoulder length messy purple hair with two D-pad hairclips. She wore a big hoodie-like dress with purple striped cuffs, lining, and a purple hood. The outfit had pale, ice blue and light lilac accents. As well as a zipper section, two big round pockets, a big zipper with an N on it, and strings resembling a plug. Around her neck she wore a simple white choker. Her lilac shoes have blue white accents and were also worn blue and white striped stockings.

"Would you look at that, it's Neptune." Jack finally noticed that she was sleep on his chest. "Well, isn't this anime as all hell."

" **Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap."** Jason panicked. " **She's going to freakin kill us when she wakes up!"**

" **Calm your figurative tits Jason. Jack's got this."** Alucard reassured.

"Aw, she's adorable." Jack gushed as he watched Neptune softly snooze away on his chest.

Alucard was quiet for a few seconds. " **Never mind, we're boned."**

Jack tore his eye from the sleeping Neptune and looked around the room once more.

"Seriously, that girl has an obsession with the color pink." he said to himself.

" **No kidding, we're going to need a lot of goats to fix this abomination. And if we can't paint this whole room red, we'll just scrap it."** Alucard said, Jack could practically feel the Nosferatu's grin.

" **No, we are not doing this! You guys remember what happened to that one Dairy Queen!"** Jason objected.

" **Heads up Jack, Neptune's awake."** Alucard informed.

Jack's head quickly shot back to Neptune.

She was looking wide eyed at Jack staring at him

"Ah." the vampire made a short sound.

She gasped. "YOU HAD YOUR WAY WITH ME, DIDN'T YOU!? PERVERT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!? WHATEVER YOU DID, YOU BETTER UNDO IT!"

Jack hung his head down in mock shame, still smiling. "I'm sorry, but I save compulsively."

"THEN LOAD A DIFFERENT SAVE FILE!" the goddess in human form demanded.

"I only use one save file, I was waiting until I got to New Game Plus so I could do the other choices."

"Noooooooo..." Neptune whined in despair.

Jack was wondering if Neptune had been trolled enough.

Then almost immediately realized that it was a retarded question!

"I also uploaded your 'special' HDD collections _all_ over Tumblr." Jack said with a beaming smile.

Neptune's face paled in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-"

Unknown to both Jack and Neptune, Compa had opened the door only to witness Neptune re-enacting _Revenge of The Sith_.

She slowly backed away, closing the door, and went to make some tea.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-NEPU!" Jack had enough and flicked her in the forehead.

"No! None of that. Shame on you." Jack said, waving his index finger side to side.

At this Neptune looked like a kicked puppy.

Jack felt an arrow pierce his heart at the sight of the dejected Neptune and sighed.

" **Your weakness always was the power of cute."** Alucard said.

" **The power of cute is your weakness too Alucard."** Jason retorted.

" **Name** _ **one**_ **time where I have fell to the power of cute."** Alucard demanded while Jack rubbed Neptune on the top of her head trying to cheer her up.

" **Remember the early days when you were awakened by Integra?"** asked Jason.

" **Yeah, what about it."**

" **She used puppydog eyes on you whenever you didn't do what she wanted."**

" **You little blond bastard..."** Alucard mumbled. " **The power of cute is your weakness, too. Well, let's be honest here,** _ **any**_ **good looking girls is your weakness."**

" **H-Hey!"** Jason tried to defend himself from the burn Alucard laid on him.

"Good morn', sleepyheads! Well, actually, good afternoon!" a voice said to the left of Jack and Neptune.

She had fair skin, long, curly light creamy pink hair, which was held by a black headband with a C patched on the side, matching eyes, and she was quite well-endowed. She wore a tan-white wool styled tank top with with big neck and un-attached sleeves and matching styled boots, but with small ribbons fuzzy balls at the top. Compa also wore a red plaid skirt, a black choker with a small heart on it, black-brown knee socks with light pink heart cut frills, and often carries a black hip purse, and heart shaped buttons. Like her headband, both her purse and the heart on the choker had a C logo.

Compa was standing by the door, a small tea set on a fancy little tray in her hands.

"Um, this isn't my room, is it? Is it yours? I don't think it's his, he's too edgy for it." Neptune said.

"The readers love my edginess thank you very much." Jack said in satisfaction as he heard to fourth wall crumble under the might of his status as the main character.

Neptune gasped. "Only I can break the fourth wall!"

A smug smirk made it's way onto Jack's face. "Oh really?"

"Of course, _I'm_ the main character!" Neptune announced with smug glee.

Jack broke down with hysterical laughter. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Neptune pouted at Jack, but he just grinned in response.

The former goddess looked over to Compa. "So, why was I tucked in so snugly?"

Compa walked towards the bed and set the tea set on the night stand next to it, pouring some tea into both cups.

"Well, it was last night...I saw two shooting stars! That was the both of you." Compa said, while handing Jack and Neptune a cup of hot tea.

"Thank you ma'am!" Jack gave her a grateful smile, Compa smiled back too with a small blush on her face.

"That was a short answer." Neptune said. But then her eyes widened in realization. "Wait...that means, we fell from the sky!?"

"Yes, you would have been stuck in the ground if it weren't for Mister Star protecting you though." she turned to Jack and smiled.

Jack just shrugged, waved off the praise and kept smiling. "Eh, it was nothing."

"Anywho, you were both out cold, so I carried you here." Compa said, her usual smile still on her face.

"All by yourself? That's cool, thanks! You're a lot stronger than you look." the purple haired girl said, highly impressed.

Jack gave Compa a small nod of approval.

"I go to nursing school. Moving bodies is part of the training, so I'm fine." Compa said, not minding the praise. "Come to think of it, I haven't introduced myself. My name is Compa."

"I'n Neptune! Thanks for saving me, Compa! Hope we can be friends!" Neptune introduced herself with her usual energetic tone.

"Nice to meet you, Nept-...Nepeee-...Nepel...Neput..." Compa struggled.

" **You've got to be fucking kidding me."** Alucard mumbled. " **It's a two-syllable name."**

Neptune, seeing Compa's verbal struggle said. "Neptuna, Nep-Nep, Nepper, it doesn't matter. You can call me anything!"

" **A censor bleep would amazing hilarious when she said Nepper."** Alucard said, a bit disappointed.

" **That is a bleep that doesn't need to be there in the first place."** Jason said.

" **Please, you wouldn't know humor if it slapped you in the face."** Alucard retorted.

" **Said the guy who was, and I** _ **quote**_ ' **Dying to sink their teeth into something.'"**

" **You win this round."**

Compa brightened up. "Okay, then How about-" " **My bitch!"** Alucard shouted from Jack's mind causing him to smirk at his random outburst. "Nep-Nep? It's nice to meet you, Nep-Nep!"

Jack noticed the two girls looking at him expectantly.

The vampire gave them a heart warming smile. "The name's Jack Gehrman. Just call me Jack. It's good to meet you Neptune and Compa."

"It's nice to meet you Mister Jack." Compa said happily, but then she began to fidget. "Ummm...I'm sorry I only had one bed. I would have put you in separate beds, but…"

"You shouldn't be apologizing Compa," Jack said while giving himself the once over, his clothes were a bit tattered in a few places and his black hoodie was gone, leaving him in his red shirt, showing the stitches running along his forearms but it was fine for the most part. "We're the ones who should be apologizing for intruding."

" **Now might be a good time to ask Compa if anything happened in bed while you were sleeping."** Jason advised.

"Compa, since you're the one who looked after us, you should have checked up on us at one point, right? So, did anything happen when you were here?"

The nurse in training pondered for a moment. "Well, I don't think so...Ah! I did see a lot of moving around on the bed!"

Neptune shot up and pointed an accusing finger at Jack. "I knew it! You did have your way with me!"

Compa tilted her head in confusion. "But Mister Jack was still out cold."

Neptune froze and mechanically looked over at Compa.

" **This is going to be good."** Alucard said.

"What exactly did you see Compa?" Jack asked.

Coma's face turned bright red as she began to fidget even more. "Well...I saw Nep-Nep hugging you...and then she...licked your neck...then she began rubbing herself against you...and it looked like she was trying to touch your...well, let's just say that she was doing a lot of very intimate things."

Neptune's face was red all over. "No way...I didn't do all those things...did I?"

Jack, Alucard, and Jason were all silent.

" **Does she have sexomnia or something?"** Alucard asked no one in particular.

"The molester has been busted." Jack said to Neptune.

Neptune rubbed the back of her head and gave Jack a sheepish smile. "Come on, it was an accident! And we were asleep! You have got to forgive cute little me right?"

Jack shrugged and smirked. "Whatever sweetheart, next time you try something like this treat me to dinner and a movie first, I have standards after all."

"Oh, I noticed you're all bruised up. Allow me to take a real quick look." Compa said walking closer to Neptune.

" **I don't like where this is heading."** Jason said.

Jack got off the bed and walked to the door. "Welp, I can see where this is going, so I'm off to raid your kitchen Compa! Peace!"

"Okay, so let's first get those clothes off you." Compa said, smiling.

" **Stop!"** Jason shouted.

"Okay! Taking my clothes off..." Neptune said with a smile as Jack opened the door.

" **Stop!"** Jason shouted once more.

As Jack closed the door they heard Compa talking.

"Okay, here comes the wrap. This way...that way...loop it over..."

" **STOP!"** he shouted even louder this time.

"Calm down, dude, we're out of the room." Jack said as the sweat drop on his head grew larger.

" **I don't care!"** Jason wailed. " **I've seen enough of your Internet history to know where this is going!"**

Jack walked to the most pink kitchen he had ever seen. "It's not like I _forced_ you to watch hentai with me, that was on you."

" **The kind of shit you're into, man!"** Jason wailed again as his hentai-induced PTSD started acting up.

Jack's smile grew as Jason suffered. The incomplete vampire opened up the fridge and took out a carton of orange juice.

"Ah, the perks of being incomplete." Jack said as he poured himself a glass and drank it.

" **Yes, you can still consume things** _ **other**_ **than blood."** Alucard said. " **You've got enhanced strength and speed, regenerative healing when you consume blood and the ability to share memories with your blood. That's about it. You suck as a vampire!"**

"All vampires suck." Jack retorted.

" **That pun physically hurt me."** Alucard retorted.

"Said the guy who was, and I _quote_ 'Dying to sink their teeth into something.'" Jack said, repeating what Jason said earlier.

" **IT WAS THE ONE TIME!"** the original vampire yelled.

"And we all agreed that it was going to be the _only_ time." Jack deadpanned.

"Urgh! I can't...breathe!" the three heard Neptune shout from the bedroom.

" **Stop!"** Jason yelled again.

"They can't hear you, you know." Jack explained.

" **I still don't care!"** Jason wailed again, like a little bitch.

Jack sighed as he grabbed a pair of scissors and walked back to the room.

As his hand reached for the door Jason said. " **Don't you do it."**

"Compa I can't breathe!" Neptune shouted from the other side.

"I'm doing it." Jack said, placing his hand on the doorknob.

" **Don't!"** Jason demanded.

"Yes!"

" **Don't, God damnit!"**

Jack stopped stalling and opened up the door. "Did it."

" **Damnit, they're going to kill us."** Jason said in despair.

Jack, Jason, and Alucard was greeted to the sight of Compa holding down a naked struggling Neptune, who's important bits were covered by bandages which were strangling her.

"Oh, so _this_ is what the two of you are into." the amber eyed young man said with a suggestive smirk.

Compa's whole face turned a bright shade of red. "Mister Jack! What are you doing here, I'm in the middle of bandaging Neptune!"

Jack said nothing as he took the scissors in his hands and cut the bandages on Neptune's chest with them.

" **I'm not looking. I'm not looking. I'm not looking."** Jason said like a mantra.

" **Stop being such a baby."** Alucard mocked.

"Thanks Jack, I was nearing the light." Neptune exaggerated.

"No problem call me back when you two are done, and this time Compa, try to _not_ strangle Neptune." Jack teased.

The nurse in question pouted in response.

Jack himself walked out of the room and closed the door.

 **Linebrake**

Jack walked back into the room a few minutes later to find an exhausted Neptune plopped on the bed and Compa worrying over her.

Jack didn't question it as he sat down on the bed.

Compa then looked the two of them over and asked. "So, why did you both come from the sky?"

"I don't know." was Neptune and Jack's simultaneous reply.

Jack nodded at Neptune, giving her the floor.

"I...don't remember anything before coming here..." the former goddess said.

"Nep-Nep, maybe you're suffering from amnesia!" Compa worriedly answered

"Ah, amnesia, the event that plagues many protagonist." Jack said as he crossed his arms and nodded sagely.

"Really? Well, I guess so." Neptune said.

"I'd like to help, but I don't have anything to cure amnesia..." Compa said sadly.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Compa. No need to get yourself down over it." Neptune said wanting to cheer Compa up.

"But..." Compa said with head head hung down.

Neptune decided to change to subject. "Anyway, Jackie, how did you end up in the sky next to me?"

" **Wow, you're never escaping that nickname are you?"** Jason said.

"Someone asked for my help, and I agreed to help." Jack said. "I just didn't expect to be falling with Neppy over here."

"Neppy?" Neptune repeated with her head tilted slightly.

"You give me a nickname, I'll give you one." Jack explained with his ever-present smile.

"Guess we're even since we've got nicknames for each other." Neptune said grinning at me.

Jack couldn't help but grin back. In all honesty, he was just glad they didn't question the stitches. That was a conversation he didn't want to have again.

Compa pouted. "Why does Mister Jack have a nickname for Nep-Nep but not me?"

"Hmmmm...I guess you can just drop the 'Mister' and just call me Jack." the young man said. "I'd give you a nickname, but I can't really think of anything except for Com-Com, or Compy, and at that point I know I'm just being lazy."

"That's mean Jack." Compa said, she turned away from Jack with a cute little _hmph_ sound.

"Aw, do you _really_ want a nickname that badly?" Jack asked. "Besides I like the name Compa, it's cute."

Compa's face immediately turned bright red, finding the floor to be _very_ interesting at the moment.

" **I've taught you well."** Alucard said with a grin spread across his face.

" **Why is her face so red? Is she sick?"** Jason asked, he was oblivious to the whole situation just as much as your average harem protagonist.

" **Jason, the men are talking."** Alucard said condescendingly.

" **H-Hey!"** Jason shouted in vain.

Jack noticed Neptune had a thoughtful expression on her face, he could practically _hear_ the gear in her head turning.

"Something up Neppy?" Jack asked.

"Hmmm...you said I was the first person you met in this place and we woke up in the same bed after you saved me so…" Neptune gasped. "We're totally Destined Lovers!" the former goddess finished her 'deduction' looking at Jack with starry eyes.

Jack, Jason and Alucard were all silent for a few seconds until Jack blinked and they all said simultaneously. "Qué?"

"Well, like I said earlier, I was the first one you met in this world, and you saved me and we woke up together. Isn't that enough proof that we are totally meant for each other!"

"Qué!?" the trio shouted.

Jack turned to see Compa's reaction to this, he nearly gave up on this world when he saw her teary eyed.

"T-That's not fair, Nep-Nep...I want to be Jack's Destined Lover too!" Compa yelled.

Neptune put on a thoughtful pose. "Hmmm...that's right...Compa did save us and fixed us up...then that means that she's my rival for Jackie's love!"

Upon "Realizing the situation" the purple haired goddess hugged Jack's chest. "I accept your challenge, Compa! But don't think I'll just hand him over."

Compa, not wanting to lose, hugged Jack from behind. "I won't lose, even if it's you Nep-Nep."

" **Seriously, what the fuck is going on!?"** Alucard shouted.

Jack sighed. "You two do remember that this is a harem fic right?"

Neptune pouted at Jack. "Stop stealing my shtick!"

"Stop stealing Deadpool's shtick." Jack retorted.

"Who the heck is Deadpool?" the purple haired girl asked.

 _ ***Pop!***_

In that moment, The Merc With The Mouth appeared in a puff of smoke, he looked at Neptune with an irritated expression.

"Not cool purple, not cool." the red and black anti-hero said before he popped back out of the Superdimension.

 _ ***Pop!***_

"So, anyone hungry?" Jack asked, not really sure how to respond as to what just happened.

The girls however had a response in the form of the stomachs growling rather loudly, causing them to blush.

"I-I'll get started on making dinner!" Compa said abruptly.

Neptune gasped. "I'm not letting you steal Jackie away from me with you cooking! I'll make dinner too!"

Jack on the other hand, seem a little concerned. "Neppy, you don't you have amnesia, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to cook."

Neptune ignored Jack's concern. "How hard could it be?"

The two girls rushed out of the room and into the kitchen.

Jack could hear the sounds of complete of utter chaos happening outside the room he was in.

The incomplete vampire took a few seconds to process what had just happened.

"Qué?"

 **Chapter End.**

 **Review Responses.**

 **Bonestar: They're in their HDD forms so I think their emotions might be dumbed down to focus on battle and decision making.**

 **shadowlord152: Thanks man!**


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